Under the guidance of our herbalist (see previous post 'Getting Help'), we're doing what we can to get everything 'normal' so that a baby can come if it wants to...and that's great. I'm dealing with the physical aspect of things that I'm often happy to ignore....so I'm quite proud of myself for travelling this path for a bit...
While we do what we're told for a few months in our lives....eat a bit more protein, take a few more supplements and drink some herbal concoctions everyday.....and blissfully try not to make any babies for a while....(phew! the self imposed pressure is off!!), I'm doing some exploring about the 'concept of conception' cos I think this is where I've got stuck the last few years....believing those bloody dictionary definitions again!!
While I accept I am a western woman bought up to understand that conception "is a sperm and egg meeting through the act of sex to form a zygote".....my deep inside 'other 'self knows that there is so much more to baby making than that. I'm starting to remember this 'other' knowing now and it's making me feel alive again and be released from feeling like a 'failed' baby creator!
I know deep inside there is a universal timing involved with the creation of a child that is way beyond my control, and my beautiful man reminds me of this constantly. I know that there are also cosmological forces involved....stars, planets, the sun and the moon....dictating if/when the time is right.
I know that there's the unknown destiny of my future.....(does it actually involve a baby?). That there's the unknown destiny of my twin boys...( do they actually need a bro or a sis!). That there's the unknown destiny of my husband....( does he actually want to do it all again!!).
I know that I actually have very little say in the matter at all......I'll just do my best to provide a healthy space for a baby to grow in if it comes.
That's all I can do....so that's what I am doing! The rest is out of my hands...and I like that feeling a lot!
In Fertility ( definitions)
"Being in a state of fertility. Every moment being a chance to create in."
"The ability to transform moments of 'hopelessness' into moments of great possibilties.....!"
"Being able to see different pathways and take them without hesitation"
'Recognising there are others in the world beside yourself and from that recognition doing whatever you can to help them grow.'
'A state of being not to be ashamed of......!'
'A process of letting go.....'
artwork by Su Berghuise-Garde....much loved artist and inspirer in my life...xx