But I've had to ask for help regarding my 'infertility' cos some things I just can't figure out all on my own.
But I didn't want to do the doctor thing as doctors freak me out ... as you'd know from previous posts I can't handle their definitions....
So I've waited til something feels right, as I often do in life and help has came my way. In fact it landed straight in my lap with a magical kind of insistence that I simply couldn't turn down!
A friend of mine who is beautifully pregnant led me to Jayne Elder who's a herbalist and a specialist in helping couples fall pregnant. Appointments opened up where they never would have been and we've spent the beautiful dollars needed to seek her help and guidance.
Every word spoken by Jayne makes so much sense. She provides the perfect balance of physical, emotional and spiritual help.
Yes, I'm getting help now and feel so much better for it.
At last. I am discovering that this baby needs more than just my wanting... ...more than just my waiting and occasionally frustrating at the unfairness of the universe around me!
This baby's more than me ....and what a brilliant thing to realise...especially being the self posessed Arian woman I am.
My beautiful man has told me this so many times but I never hear. He always says, 'It's just not the right time... and I cry and I say 'But it is for me...!!!"
Like a three year old I've been in relation to this journey. "I WANT BABY AND I WANT IT NOW!!" ...feet stamping and all. My wonder little baby's been staying away!!
It's so good for me now to be growing up a bit.
And I'm thanking Jayne for this. She works with herbs and bach flowers and her knowledge is incredible. She knows how my body and Nicks body should be working and is bringing them both into a state of better health. She is subtle, yet strict about what we need to do and demands that we have faith, which I love!!
For the first time I'm seeing a new dimension of baby making. I'm seeing it from a baby's point of view instead of my own..
This baby that floats around me is insisting that I give her a healthy home full of vitality and wellness. She's insisiting I connect with the physicality of life and go beyond my own little egocentric world I sometimes like to stay trapped in. She's insisting I grow up before I birth her...so I must
She wants me to be real about my body's basic needs. She wants me to be healthy, fit and strong.
She wants me to be writing all this down and sharing....so I am.
She wants to be part of this journey now..so she is.
She's adding to my definition of In Fertility:
"Being in a state of fertility. Every moment being a chance to create in."
"The ability to transform moments of 'hopelessness' into moments of great possibilties.....!"
"Being able to see different pathways and take them without hesitation"
'Recognising there are others in the world beside yourself and from that recognition doing whatever you can to help them grow.'
Artwork by Ana Stuart